Sneaky Christmas

Not to be one to say the glass is half empty, I am surprised at myself for thinking only of the Christmas-sy things I haven't done this season, rather than the ones I have.

I am slightly peeved because Christmas is two days away and I have not been to one "Sing-a-long Handel's Messiah" and I have not seen enough Las Vegas style Christmas lights. I haven't sung enough Christmas carols and I have not had one glass of eggnog. The closest I came was having eggnog flavored creamer in my coffee. Not really a decent substitute.

I didn't even get to attend the one adult Christmas Party I was invited to because the morning of the party, my daughter threw up five times and then I was so queasy by 4pm all I wanted to do was crawl in bed. I almost cried when I called the babysitter to cancel.

So now that Christmas has completely snuck up on me, I have finally submitted to the fact that although I didn't do everything Christmas-sy I wanted, I did at least do some things.

For instance, I took my four year old daughter to see The Nutcracker. She loved it, but she did loudly ask during the ballet, "Why are all the boys wearing tights?!?" I had to explain that men who do ballet sometimes wear tights. This led to all kinds of questions about costume choices so that I had to finally say, "Shush! Just watch the play!" To which she responded, "Is it over yet?"

I escorted both my kids to our church's childrens Christmas musical, only to have them both have a meltdown after the first 20 minutes. Then we had to leave.

We drove around town oohing and ahhing at Christmas lights one night.

My daughter and I watched "Elf" together and giggled through the whole thing.

We made Christmas cake pops that turned out not too bad. We made Christmas chocolate lollipops and gave them to preschool teachers and day care workers. We made sure they were wrapped in pretty ribbons.

The kids and I went to Target to go Christmas shopping at least five times.

I mailed out Christmas cards. Our pictures actually look decent this year. I know this because my mom told me. Last year she said, "Your card is really awful." It was. Last year I threw the kids on the living room chair and said "hold still" and took a few bad pictures of them not holding still. Then I threw those pictures on a card. This year, we at least are all holding still. And we're sitting on a beach.

I watched the movie "The Nativity Story" and cried my eyes out at the end.

After frantically searching for my James Taylor Christmas CD, and not being able to find it, I downloaded it onto my iPhone so I can listen to it in the car. Since I just downloaded it and I haven't heard it all season, my husband can expect to hear it all the way to San Diego on Christmas Day.

I frantically wrapped presents ahead of time so that my husband has the room to wrap his at the last minute.

And yes, we have a Christmas tree. All the ornaments are above waist level now because of the 16 month old, but we have a beautiful tree. And today I actually took the time to look at some of my favorite ornaments on the tree and just breath in the peaceful feeling that comes with having a Christmas tree.

I baked one batch of sugar cookies shaped like Christmas stars and trees. I made 11 cookies. Six of them burned. C'est la vie.

There's still time to watch A Christmas Story. It doesn't look like I'll get to go caroling this year or see Las Vegas type lights, but we may actually make it to a "Day After Christmas" party given by one of my old high school chums.

And in the end, I will get to watch my kids tear into wrapping paper and their stockings and eat candy and play and play and play. And then three days later, we travel to my parent's house and do it all over again. That's alright by me.

I start to wish that the Christmas season was two months long, but then I think about how I hate it when Christmas decorations go up in stores right after Halloween and I haven't had time to transition to the season.

Really, Christmas only lasted one night. One blessed, silent night.

I am thankful we get almost a whole month to revel in the season when I look at it that way. And even though I didn't get to do everything I wanted to put me in the Christmas Spirit, my daughter reminds me daily when she opens the door on her Advent Calendar that Christmas can't come soon enough.

So welcome Christmas and Happy Birthday, Jesus.

I just hope I get that bike put together before Christmas morning!

Christmas is coming...

To Santa or not to Santa? That is the question.

My husband and I briefly discussed this before having kids and as we talked over whether or not we would introduce our children to the make believe world of Santa, I honestly thought it might be a deal breaker and end our marriage before it even started. Seriously, who doesn't love Santa? My husband, apparently. Actually, he might like Santa, but he doesn't like to lie. At all. End of story. Case closed.

I finally got the compromise of we could "play" Santa as a "game". If she ever asks, we explain that Santa is a really fun game to play, but he isn't real like you or me. She's never asked. Okay, I take that back. She must have asked the babysitter. And the babysitter said Santa was real.

Enter her word against ours.

And somehow, I, the person that wanted Santa in the first place, is left to explain that Santa is a game to my four year old who is standing with her hands on her hips, saying, "Oh, no! He's real!"

"Talk to your father," I said. I figured he started this mess anyway.

In the meantime, I end up discussing with a friend how much money I owe to the Susan G. Komen Foundation . This leads to talking about debt. Which leads to talking about my drug addicted brother. Which leads to me talking about how my drug addicted brother acts all tough, but is really scared to death. Which leads to a mention of my fears and insecurities and how come I didn't end up like him.

I say, "There but for the grace of God, go I."

And then I end up spilling my guts about how there is a debt I will never be able to pay. How much I owe God. For saving me from self-destructing. For pulling me out of situations that I was stupid enough to get into.

And I say that I know all the spiritual buzz talk in my head about how I can never pay that debt back, but that's not the point.

I FEEL as if I'm supposed to pay it back and I never can. So I'm frozen in place.

So then my friend brings up lavishing gifts on our children at Christmas time. Actually, I brought that up, but she brings it up and asks if I expect as many gifts from my children in return.

Of course not.

For one thing, they don't have jobs. Their job skills are poorly lacking at this particular time. Unless you can call knowing all the words to Little Einsteins a job skill. Or throwing food on the floor.

No. I give my children gifts because of the sheer bliss I get out of seeing the joy on their faces when they open presents. It's a way to show them I love them.

And I realize I never will pay my parents back in a hundred Christmases for the lavishness of presents and love shown to me. They probably aren't keeping track anyway.

And I won't care if my children ever lavish me with gifts.

As for God...well, you get where I'm going with this.

Open the present. Look inside. Be joyful. Make someone else joyful.

Follow the star. Look in the manger. Be joyful. Make Someone else joyful.

Just accept that I didn't earn the gift and I can't pay it back.

Okay, and this leads back to Santa.

Why in the world do some people hold over kid's heads that they have to be good all year long to earn a Christmas present? Adults can't even be good all year long.

And we don't even remind them of being good all year long for Santa until like, after Thanksgiving.

I don't hear any parents on the playground in July saying, "Knock that off or Santa won't bring you a present this year!"

It's not until Christmas carols start playing on the radio after Thanksgiving that we are reminded we better watch out and we better not cry or pout. Or honk our horn in traffic. Or become impatient with our children. (I'm only talking about myself now). The year is practically over by then. I don't think that's very fair.

I remember one year when I was asked if I had been good all year thinking back to a particular incident in September and hoping Santa wouldn't remember. Oh, the pressure.

I hope my kids grow up knowing that even though they weren't good all year long, they still get presents at Christmas because it's fun and I love them.

And we still haven't completely resolved the Santa issue. Well, I resolved it. I just am putting a bunch of presents under the tree with a name on them, but no "from". So for all they know, the Easter Bunny could have left the presents there.

My guess is my cover is blown anyway because my daughter caught me wrapping one of her gifts and said, "So how's it going wrapping my gift?"

I said, "Fine. Get out."

See? It's all about the love.